Perhaps this has been the worst period in our lifetime when so many people have experienced rejection. And while this post is not addressing the kind of rejection you feel after a partner break-up, the emotions you go through are the same.
I wish I had some magic words that can help you through this period of your life. Here are a few of today’s work situations where you experience an emotional roller-coaster:
Company Lay-Off. Despite the fact that you know about the economy, many times you can’t help but feel, “why me”? Perhaps others did survive and you didn’t–what did you do wrong? Rejection.
Applying for Work. These days my clients wonder what they are doing wrong. They believe they have a good background–lots of good experience and yet, they hear nothing. Although most don’t even receive a rejection letter that was typical years ago, they still do feel that rejection.
Not Selected after Interview. The good news is that you landed an interview, but then you don’t get the job. It may be even made worse if you go back for follow up interviews, because the more time you put in, you start imagining yourself working at that company. It’s a hard blow when you aren’t the final candidate.
Here are some things to remember:
It’s not personal. Yes, it FEELS personal because it impacts your livelihood. Even if you are selected in a lay-off, many times it’s a numbers “game.” There is just so much money and so many people have to be eliminated. It really isn’t you. Matter of fact, many well-qualified people find themselves in the same situation. You are not alone.
Move on. The faster you are able to get over the anger and the hurt, the faster you can reach your desired goal. But do allow yourself time to feel the pain. Work is a big part of who we are–we feel it is part of our identity. However, we are MORE than what we do. Remember, we are human beings, not human doings.
Let it go. Control what you can, let the outcome go. Continue to do all the things you can in a job search. If you dwell on when you will get a job and how, you will drive yourself frustration.
I know this is all easier said than done. But keep your eyes focused on your future and not your past. Find support if you are struggling and you may need to get out of your comfort zone to find new ways to land that perfect job you want!
It probably started when I lived those 30 years in Rochester, New York–my dream to move south. I can remember back in the 70’s, one of my good friends had been talking about her former neighbors who had moved to North Carolina. It immediately captured my imagination and interest. For many years after that, when someone talked about that area of the country, I was all ears. But I didn’t have the opportunity to visit there until 2000.
I would often talk about moving to a warmer climate–but never bothered to narrow it down. I figured I would probably get a job that would take me there–maybe North Carolina, South Carolina or even Georgia. That job never materialized. I enjoyed looking through Where to Retire magazines and trying to imagine myself in one of the featured communities. But there was still time–I had to save more before I could ever think of retiring.
Well, as the saying goes, “We plan; God laughs.” Because in 2006, I was laid off.
One of my first decisions was to attend a Coaching certification program to become a Life Coach. My plan (see the above paragraph) was that while I was building my business, I would get another human resources position–surely that was the most responsible alternative. I couldn’t continue to live in my current home without my corporate salary so within a few months, I put my house up for sale. Once it sold, I would either move to where my new job was located or move into a temporary apartment.
Despite an active job search, I never came close to being hired in human resources. Once I received my certification, I started thinking, “Now what?” I had a passing thought about moving south–but I quickly dismissed it. The thought of identifying exactly where I wanted to live seemed so over-whelming.
But that thought kept reoccurring and finally I allowed myself to consider, “Well, what would it take to make that decision?” At first I half-heartedly started going through those Where to Retire magazines that I saved for the past 7 years. I cut out any article or photos of communities that looked possible. I did further research on the internet and on the phone. Eventually, I decided to take a trip to visit a few of the areas I had narrowed down.
When I drove up and saw the Blue Ridge mountains, I knew I was home. Three months and several leaps of faith later–I was there.
The reactions of my friends to my decisions shook me up quite a bit. I didn’t know anyone who had been in a similar situation. And without exception, everyone’s eyes would roll back and they would comment how they could never move to an area where they didn’t know anyone. After hearing it so often, I started wondering what was wrong with me that I was able to make such a “drastic” move. Eventually, I learned that people were sharing their own limitations. Many of them defending why they couldn’t move–but wished they could. It was about them, not me.
After I settled into my new home in Asheville, NC, I knew I wanted to help other singles relocate to the home of their dreams. I created a coaching business called Relocating Single. This continues to be one of my passions and I want to help others evaluate whether a move might be the right decision for them.
Does my story resonate with you? Have you been thinking of moving to a town by the ocean? In the mountains? Or maybe you’re looking for any place where you can start a whole new life. Perhaps you are ready to speak with someone who can help you:
- Bring your dream into clearer focus
- Slow down the emotional roller coaster
- Calm the panic attacks and reduce your anxiety
You do not have to be alone at this exciting time in your life. I can bring my own challenging and rewarding relocation experiences to our sessions and gently guide you through the process. Call for a free consultation to explore whether coaching is for you. Or send for your complementary copy of the 7 Keys to Relocating in Mid-Life by sending an email to jane@janefalter.com
I went to the movie today to see “Up in the Air.” My friend had suggested that with my interest helping people transition, it would be a good movie to see. Well, I’m glad I went to see it. Of course, George Clooney in high definition and on the big screen was a great way to spend a few hours, but it was one of those movies that brought back some very painful moments in my life.
The movie centered around George who was hatchet man–traveling from one company to another firing people. My own experiences sitting on the “wrong side” of the desk came quickly back as I was watching the show. But what really surprised me was feeling the feelings of being the “hatchet” person myself during my human resources career. Although I did what I had to do, I could see how I buried my feelings in order to get through the many termination meetings I’ve been through in my 30 year career.
The movie came a few days after I attended a Job Fair to promote my new career club, BIZyBoomers. During that day, I met many people who have been impacted by unemployment. It was hard to hear and see the faces of so many people who have been devastated by the reality of today’s economy. But now, instead of giving people the news of such terrible news, I am helping people get back on their feet via my career club. I’m excited about the possibility of making a positive difference in people’s lives. It’s such a good feeling!
Being laid off was my wake-up call. It was the kick that got me going to follow a career I had thought about for many years, but had let my fears stop me. Although there were many scary times, the end result is knowing the difference in working at a job that pays the bills and having your passion be your work. My hope is that I can help many people facing their job loss to have their own chance to do work that builds on their old experiences and skills and makes a positive difference in the world.
Have you lost your job only to find work that you love? I would love to hear your story and what you’ve learned.
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