friends

Friend or Coach?

Published June 16, 2010

I’ve never had problems in making friends.  While I hated leaving the friends I made in Delaware/Pennsylvania, the worry that plagues many people, “Will I make new friends in my new location?” never occurred to me.  I realized that before I moved to that area, I didn’t know my good friends–Judy, Esther, Pat and Joyce.  I was confident I would find new friends who would also become special.  As it turned out, I have made more friends here in NC in 3 years than I did in the 7 years in my previous home.

I consider my friends my chosen  family.  I talk with them when I need support during a crisis, when I need advice and just want to “touch base.”  Why then, do I also need a coach?  Given that I  AM a coach myself–it got me thinking about why I/we need both a coach AND a sprinkling of wonderful friends.  Here’s what I came up with…

Objectivity — My coach helps me look at the situation, goal, dream or problem without imposing her values or how she handled a similar situation.  It’s about what works best for me that counts.

Push/Kick — My coach knows when I am stalling, trying to weasel out of something or wanting to stay in my velvet rut where it’s nice and comfy.  She is not afraid to use whatever it takes to get me to my goal.  She does not hesitate to use some special techniques to get me there–with love, of course.

Accountability — My coach isn’t a soft touch that will give me a “Get out of xxx free” card whenever I don’t make my commitments.  See above paragraph!

It’s all about me — It’s my time.  I don’t have to wait for the polite friendship volley where we each take turns to share our opinions and stories.  My coach is working toward my agenda and my agenda only.

Resources, options and new ideas — Because my coach truly understands where I’ve been and where I want to go–she always seems to have a lot of ideas I can use for my own situation.

Celebrate — Sure, I use my friends to share successes with.  But it is my coach who celebrates each little bitty step that got me there.  She “gets” the effort it took and makes sure I take time to acknowledge my progress.

The good news is that I don’t have to choose between my friends and my coach.  They are all an important part of my life. So, what do you think?  If you have a coach, how do you utilize him/her versus your family of friends?

Making new friends

Published August 9, 2009

When I considered a move to Asheville, my mind quickly went to leaving the wonderful friends I would be leaving where I lived for the past 8 years.  My heart sank; boy, I would sure miss them.

But then I realized if I hadn’t taken the chance to relocate with my company and move to Delaware, I wouldn’t have met them in the first place.  I then found it fascinating to go back over my life and think about all the changes in my life that have lead me to find so many wonderful people.  I stopped when I got to Madeline whom I’ve known since I was three.

At a recent relocation workshop I facilitated, several people confessed their biggest concern about moving was making new friends.  One participant repeated a saying I remembered my mother telling me years ago, “It’s hard to make friends when you’re old.”  I’ll admit I even said it myself–but now I realize it is a limiting belief.

I’ve been trying to figure out how this cultural belief evolved.  My friend Marie is 81 and she continues to make friends.  Alice, age 90 who recently moved here to be near her daughter, plays bridge every week with her new friends in the assisted living facility where she lives.

Friendships blossom with a common bond.  Certainly work is a natural breeding ground for friendships since so much time is spent there.  But other places could be church organizations, volunteering, life-long learning classes, etc.  You need to be willing to take a chance and invite them to coffee, lunch or another activity.

As I write this, the girl scout song I learned in my childhood, “Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold” is playing in my head.  How wonderful that along the way some of my silver friends have turned to gold.  I celebrate and value my golden friends and look forward to getting to know my silver friends better.

Subscribe to Jane’s Newsletter
Subscribe to the Articles
Look What’s New!
Connect
    
Common Topics
Accountability action animals Asheville authenticity baggage blessings business career career club change confidence contacts corporate dog dreams faith fears friends getting a job gifts goals gratitude heart job job search laid off legacy lessons love mistakes networking part time jobs passion people pleasing planning Relocating resolutions resume self care steps Survival job time management unemployed unemployment
Testimonials

Although I had your business card for a few weeks, I hesitated calling you until one day, I just felt inspired to contact you. Am I glad I did! After applying for literally hundreds of jobs this past year with not even one interview…after sending the résumé you created for me, not only did I get the interview, but I got the job! I feel that God inspired me to move forward and sent you into my life when I needed it the most. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
—J. Bloomfield, Asheville, NC

 

So, thought I'd brighten your day!  My new supervisor complimented my resume. She said she liked the summary at the top. She also commented that she wasn't positive that my background would've jumped out as a perfect match, but it was written in a way that highlighted my skills as a match for her needs. The resume you wrote for me did much more than any of those things, however. It changed the way I view myself.  It supported me, and gave me a confidence that I was lacking at that time. When I first saw your draft, I didn't immediately connect with it, yet I knew it was all truth. It grew on me, or I grew into it. By the time I walked into those last 2 interviews, I had a new confidence. Something deeper than just knowing I could do the job. I knew I was the right choice. That confidence, that knowing, attracted those jobs to me as surely as my credentials well presented.  It was both, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 
—J. Everson, Bloomfield, KY

 

I just wanted to write and let you know how much I appreciate your help with my resume. It worked!!! I have had 3 interviews, a step I did not reach before. While I have not received a job offer yet, I know it is just a matter of time before I find a position that is the right fit. Your help with the resume made all the difference!
—L. McLamb Asheville

 

I have built my business through satisfied clients so I cherish testimonials. One of the most stand-out testimonials that was given to me was shared by a client I coached to help her with an upcoming interview.

This client told me later, that she had met a woman at a community event. Jen shared about looking for a position and was telling her about the "biz coach" who prepped her for the interview. The other woman mentioned how she found this excellent person to do her resume and that the résumé itself was highly complemented on in her interview. And best yet, she got the job in the end! In a few minutes, they deducted they were both talking about the same person…ME!

Certifications: